The Nine Girl

It's a hard concept to explain to people, but one that I feel deserves it. So many friends of mine have people in their lives that there's a special something with. That something isn't a relationship, but it's more than just a fling or a repeated one night thing.

I've got friends that have had these 'somethings' and now that 'something' is an engagement, a house move, a cat. I've got other mates that have had these 'somethings' and then they ran their course, they've moved on to the next and it's a part of what was. Time has past and they still don't know what to refer to it as. Were you 'seeing each other', were you 'just good friends' was she 'just that girl I knew'?

I've devised a better (I hope) way of explaining it. Because in this day and age it's a situation we all find ourselves in more often than not and we all get questioned on.So what is she to you then? Well...

Here it is.

To the blokes that have had them, from the girls that have been them.

The Nine Girl. 

The line between a Nine Girl & a Mine Girl is a fine one. It's so easily blurred and one that needs to be stepped with great precaution. You can't overstep if you're not ready for a Nine to be Mine.

For now you have your Nine Girl and there's a certain way it has to go. 

You two are in touch every nine days or so. A week suggests a pattern, ten days suggests forgetting. To the boys you play it out like it's being done to keep your options open but it's because this girl may not be at the forefront of your mind, all of the time, but she's only ever about nine steps behind.

Your text conversations are limited to no more than nine responses and they often only ever occur after nine at night. All day long catch ups aint how you two do. But when you're together nine hours will go by in a flash, of conversation & belly laughs.

The Nine Girl is the girl whose thumb your phone finds after nine or so pints. Who you've drunkenly text nine or so times. The girl who doesn't mind the missed calls at 3.09, but the girl you respect too much to want to see you when you are nine wines in and looking mighty un-fine.

She's no booty call but she's no wife.

You spend hours laughing, chatting & catching up but something will always stop you from stopping past nine am the morning after the night before. You have to step back to draw the Nine/Mine line and you head on your way.

She may be ninth, nineteenth or ninetieth on your list but for you she sits in the top ninety percent. She's a solid nine out of ten.

You're friends with more than benefits. It's friends with 'something' but not everything. You're Nines.

At least nine things always remind you of this girl, a film, a song, a smell. You smile at the thought of the Nine Girl but you can think of at least nine valid reasons why you think this may never work.

She sits about ninth on your WhatsApp conversation list but still features on a list of the nine people you'd want to share your biggest news with.

She makes you laugh with the same jokes you've heard nine times over because there's that something, whatever it is, there.

Your Nine Girls knows where shes stands and that's because love it or hate it, you're her Nine Boy.

You reach nine on the fear scale that she's going to approach the subject of being your Mine Girl when in reality she's nine times less bothered about it than you think.

You may have what you have with your Nine Girl for nine to ninety months, and as long as it suits you there's no limit on it's course. You may see each other every nine days or every nine weeks but it works for you and that's cool.

In this day and age, there's always nine hundred and ninety nine other things that occupy our time and sometimes we can't dedicate the time to make our Nines our Mines.


 Not to say that they won't. Not to say they will.

But for now they're our Nine. And, well, that's just fine.

LL

x

The Subtext of That Text

Yes. I sat at home on Sunday afternoon, alone, and in a hoodie. I ate burritos, with my hair piled up on my head and I watched Sex and The City: The Movie. Contentment doesn't even cover it.

I watched for 90 minutes of cliches and really dramatic break ups whilst secretly praying that work will one day relocate me to New York. What can I say? Writing this blog looking out over Central Park will top Croydon Tramlink any day of the week. (I'm joking flatmate...our home is lush!)

I forgot about the one scene in the film that rings truer with me than any of the rest of them (mainly because they all involve million dollar apartments & $400 shoes). Carrie and Louise from St Louis sit in a bar, Louise receives a 'booty text', Carrie goes into real detail about understanding the 'subtext of that text' and how apparently a man wanting to meet for drinks after 11pm, obviously means he actually wants to get his leg over, and not meet the girl in question for a quiet cocktail.

Well you know, she's a writer, so she knows this shiz. Ahem. 

Watching this scene from SATC made me chuckle. The amount of conversations I've had of late with girls at work where minutes and minutes (read hours and hours) can be spent talking about the possible meanings behind, what is probably, a half arsed one liner from guys they are dating. Women are over-thinkers to the very end and dissecting text messages is one of our biggest flaws.

I decided it was time to tackle this head on and stop us all from trying too hard to get to the bottom of what the 'subtext of that text' really is. To do this, I've chosen some prime 'bloke' texts and some classics from the last few months of chatting over the photocopier to use as an example. I hope this comes in useful and helps you to chill the hell out.

**

What he text: 'Let me know when you get home x' (after a date)

What a girl reads it as: He really cares about my safety and obviously had such a good time that he couldn't wait until tomorrow to text me. Maybe we'll get married. Although, hang on. There's no question mark. Does that mean I have to reply? Will I hear from him again? AH MY HEAD HAS EXPLODED.

What he meant: Get home safe, I was brought up well so have manners enough to check. 

**

What he text: 'It would be good to catch up'

What a girl reads it as: AAAAAAAH he's asking me out on a date. What am I going to wear? Oh I wonder where we'll go. 

What he meant: I might give you a ring over the weekend.

**

What he text: 'how's it all going?' - after several months of no communication.

What a girl reads it as: Oh wow, he's still thinking about me. Bet he's regretting never calling me now.

What he meant: You just changed your profile picture on Facebook, you're looking pretty fit so I thought I'd chance my luck with this non commital attempt at getting in touch. 

**

What he text: 'what are you up to this weekend?x'

What a girl reads: AAAAAAAH he's asking me out on a date. What am I going to wear? Oh I wonder where we'll go. (you'll notice this pattern)

What he meant: I'm making polite midweek conversation. It's Tuesday. I literally have no idea what the weekend holds and refuse to make plans until I've spoken to the boys.

**

What he text: 'Was really good to see you'

What a girl reads: Well, are you going to see me again, are we doing this another time? AAAH

What he meant: It was genuinely good to see you but now I'm going to sleep/play xbox/ the gym/ can't be handling any more conversation for this evening. 

**

What he text: 'What do you fancy doing this evening?'

What a girl reads: Must instantly google Time Out's top ten places to eat in the capital and pre book a table at a good bar so he thinks I'm edgy and cool .

What he meant: Please offer up a pizza and DVD night. I went out on the lash yesterday and attempting to plan more than my journey home is painful. 

**

What he text: ' ;)' normally following a near the mark comment about your underwear

What a girl reads: Oh he is a cheeky chappy, but I'll give him a slap if he goes that far again. 

What he meant: No but seriously, what underwear do you have on?

**

What he text: 'Fancy a quick drink after work?'

What a girl reads: AAAAAAAH he's asking me out on a date. What am I going to wear? Oh I wonder where we'll go. (see where we are going with this)

What he meant: I'm on a stag do this weekend, but don't want you to go all GirlNuts on me so a cheeky mid week drink will keep things sweet.

**

What he text: 'Looking forward to it x'

What a girl reads: He's the one.There's a kiss. He's the one.

What he meant: Friday night will be a laugh, quite looking forward to another evening in your company, the kiss is clear progress from my side. However, we don't really need to text again before then.

**

What he text:  'I'll let you know when I'm about' 

What a girl reads: I must stare at my phone for the next fortnight and not make many plans in case of one of those impromptu mid week date offers!

What he meant: It's unlikely you'll hear from me again. 

**

What he text : 'You about?' Sent Friday 23.06. Typically from a flakey bloke.

What a girl reads: Should I stop everything I'm doing and get on the tube to wherever he is? It's 11pm. It's Friday. We could still have a nice evening together.

What he meant: I'm pissed and have needs. Get me.

**

What he text: 'Ha.' Followed on from some mediocre banter on your part.

What a girl reads: I mean, this is the seventh time I've text him in a fortnight, responses have been thin on the ground but I've obviously hit the nail on the head with that last bit of banter. Winner. Still hope yet.

What he meant: Stop texting me. Now.

**

LLx