Hangovers

On Friday afternoon at 1.20pm I turned the ripe old age of 25. I can no longer class myself as 'in my early twenties', and if I was to enter X Factor this year, I would be in the overs' category. Sad times.

Fortunately, I share my pain with one of best friends who celebrates her birthday just 3 days before mine. And yes...that does make her older, which I am very happy about.

To celebrate the fact that we were now ticking the next box along on application forms, we decided to head out on Friday night for a few drinks with friends. A few friends turned into 30 odd people over taking the garden in our local. A few drinks turned into jaeger bombs by the dozen and dancing around like we were being stung by cattle props until the wee small hours.

At 5am, I walked home to bird song and relished in the fact that it was probably the best birthday we'd had yet. I was giddy, excitable and convinced that I was actually quite sober.

Then Saturday morning arrived and my dear god. I felt every single one of my 25 years and struggled to keep my eyes open. It was then that I knew I couldn't blame this on tiredness, over exertion or a dodgy burger.

You always know that it's a hangover when;

- You wake to discover you've been mugged. Except, strangely said criminals didn't take your phone, house keys, purse or £100 handbag. Just your cash. And all of it at that.

- You find cash point receipts from 4am. A good six miles away from where your night started and a good ten miles away from where you live.

- You find it acceptable to drink Diet Coke. From the can. Whilst still in bed. You even try to drink it whilst laying down.

- You begin having really negative thoughts about the friends you have known and loved for years. They are almost certainly responsible for this fall out and definitely pinned you down and poured the gin down your neck against your will.

- You finally get out of bed to discover that your legs have been replaced by cotton wool.

- It takes twelve text messages, three Google searches and the hiring of an MI5 agent to determine how you got home. And even when you've been rest assured that you got a cab, you still don't remember it.

- Your day is made up of the following, repeated sequence.

Lay - Flashback - Cringe - Weep .

- The only things you can manage to eat are beige. And are carb heavy. Basically all you can muster is toast. Dry toast.

- Your thighs ache like there's no tomorrow. It takes until 4pm for you to realise the cause of said injury was you showing off how many lunges you can do whilst at the bar. To the guy you'd only just been introduced to.

- You go to the mirror and look at your reflection with genuine shock that your head isn't actually in a wheel clamp.

- You search around your room too determine what item of clothing had vodka spilt all over it so you can dispose of it immediately as the smell is making you gag. You soon come to realise that the smell is, in fact, you.

- You wake to find a Hansel and Gretel style trail of your clothes from the bathroom to your room. You remember thinking you were being very time effective by doing the 'undress walk' down the corridor the night before.

- You drink water like you've never seen it before. You begin contemplating running away for a hot affair with the tap because it's the only thing in the whole house that's making you feel better at this point.

- You try and call your best mate for a debrief of the night before. You realise that you can't speak in full sentences.

- You have a rounded understanding that the only thing that will make you feel better and back on form is another drink. You think about it. Sometimes you do it. Sometimes you go hell for leather and go out again. And on Sunday morning, this sorry bloody list begins again.

LL x 

 

25

The quarter of a century milestone is fast approaching & to be honest, I'm having a mild panic. As a teenager, 25 is practically ancient and by this age you assume that you'll have achieved every one of your dreams.

At 12 I was convinced I'd be a famous actress by now, living in an amazing apartment over looking Beverly Hills with a husband & 4 kids.

In reality, I'm still in my Mum's spare room and walk the length of Brixton Hill each day, not red carpets.

In my journey to the big 25, I've learnt some key things, things I wish I could have told my 12 year old self.


Here's 25 of them.

1. Films are in fact enhanced versions of reality. People don't fall in love on the tube. Men don't chase you to airports.

2. It does you good to watch Newsnight or alike. Funny as it seems, intelligence is attractive. TOWIE is actual shite.

3. If he doesn't text you back, he's not being aloof, he's not playing it cool, he's just not that interested. Move on.

4. Snapchat doesn't constitute flirting.

5. One bottle of wine is usually enough. If people dare you to drink more, you don't actually have to.

6. If you get to the day before payday and have money left in your bank, you don't have to immediately spend it. Your account doesn't reset every last Friday of the month.

7. Getting pissed on a Monday will ultimately result in you getting pissed every other night of that week.

8. Cut out Malia, Zante and alike. Just go straight to Ibiza and realise what an actual clubbing holiday is like. Fall in love with the island. Vow to always return.

9. Approach flames with caution. Especially old flames.

10. Expensive make up is money well spent. Cheap wine is not.

11. Shaved legs are always important. 2nd date or 2nd baby. There's no excuse.

12. You won't win the lottery. Be on time for work, don't rage your boss.

13. Talking of punctuality, live by the rule that if you are on time, you are late. Be ten minutes early.(I can't take the credit for this one, it's someone else's motto, but it's a good'un)

14. Accept compliments graciously. Don't be staggered by someone finding something nice about you.

15. Being nice is easier then being horrible. Smile, be polite, go far.

16. You can't have 26 best mates. At most you'll have 4. Invest in them.

17. Don't buy clothes that you have to slim into. You will never wear them.

18. Your passport should be one of your most precious possessions.

19. Print your photos. Technology is amazing and great for many things. Don't rely on it to house your memories.

20. Don't hold grudges. He might have been a tit & upset you, but if he's trying...let him.

21. It's unlikely you'll ever be famous. Get a job you love, do well at it & earn a good wage.

22. Facebook is irritating and borders on dangerous. Don't rely on it as your only means of communication. Go to the pub & talk to your mates.

23. Don't waste your time trying to be like other people. You're the best at being you so you might as well just stick with it.

24. You'll fall 'in love' a few times before the real time comes a knocking. And apparently, when it does, you know.

25. You are only 25. Don't go rushing into forevers. There are years left. Enjoy them. Wear stupid shoes, go home when the sun's up & always say yes to tequila.

LL x